My Perfectionism Almost Killed Me Until I Learned How to Harness It
Perfectionism is something many of us know too well. The world praises it, equating it with success. But perfectionism has a deeper cost.
One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was ambitiously pursuing perfection instead of excellence. As a female CEO and business leader in my area—I have spoken to quite a few groups of women over the years and found that I am definitely not in the minority. In fact, quite the opposite! Women often feel the pressure to be the perfect wife, mother, businesswoman, friend, and caretaker—always putting others first and never saying no. I know this well because I was a diagnosed perfectionist. Every role I took on was driven by a desire to be perfect, but it took a huge toll on my health. In my senior year of college, I had three seizures. After testing, I discovered it wasn’t epilepsy, but extreme exhaustion—both physical and mental. I wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t caring for my body, and wasn’t treating myself the way God intended. My perfectionism had led to an eating disorder that lasted for fifteen years. That was my wake-up call, and the most freeing revelation of my life. I realized there’s only one perfect being to ever walk this earth, and His name is Jesus.
Perfectionism is the belief that anything less than perfect just isn't enough. It often shows up as setting unrealistic standards for ourselves, a constant fear of failure, and an overwhelming need to control everything. There are a few different types, including self-oriented perfectionism, where we demand perfection from ourselves; others-oriented perfectionism, where we set impossible standards for others; socially-prescribed perfectionism, which comes from thinking others expect perfection from us; achievement perfectionism, where we push ourselves to excel in work or goals; and appearance perfectionism, focused on outward looks. While perfectionism can be harmful if we let it take over, understanding these types can help us harness its positive side. By embracing our strengths, accepting mistakes as part of growth, and setting realistic standards, we can use perfectionism to fuel our success. The key is balancing high standards with self-compassion to turn perfectionism into a tool for growth.
Perfectionism is something many of us know too well. The world praises it, equating it with success. But perfectionism has a deeper cost. While striving for excellence isn’t harmful, the need to control everything and meet impossible standards quickly becomes a heavy burden. Perfectionists often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and trapped. The constant drive for everything to go as planned creates a toxic cycle of stress, leaving no room for grace or mistakes. When mistakes happen, perfectionists are their harshest critics, feeling like failures. James 3:2 reminds us, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes... if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect.” The truth is, no one is perfect, and striving for perfection steals our joy and robs us of the freedom to be human.
Perfectionism also affects relationships. When you hold yourself to impossible standards, you may project those expectations onto others. This creates tension and distance, especially with those closest to you. True connection in relationships is built on grace, understanding, and forgiveness—not unattainable standards.
The good news is, you don’t have to stay trapped in the kind of perfectionism that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Shift your focus from perfection to progress. Celebrate the small wins, and lean into your faith. God doesn’t expect perfection. If we were meant to be perfect, there would have been no need for Jesus. It’s through our imperfections that we receive everything God has to offer. True growth happens when we agree with God that our value is not performance-based, aim for excellence and not perfection, and strive to see others as our Father does instead of holding them to impossible standards.
If you can be disciplined with these ideals and put them into practice—I guarantee an immense weight will be lifted off your shoulders! I pray that you understand God loves you so absolutely and deeply right now with all of your flaws, just as He loves me with mine! Jesus said He didn’t come to seek the healthy He came to heal the sick and imperfect [Matthew 9:12]! Instead of seeing God as a stoic, critical father judging every action on a scale of 1-10, try seeing Him as a relational, loving Father cheering you on at every interaction, decision and crossroads of life! He is okay with mistakes as long as we have the heart and fortitude to admit we were wrong, ask for forgiveness, and accept the consequences of our actions! Then, still lying on the ground, we take the outstretched hand of our Father and let Him pick us up, dust us off and send us on our way with a smile and life-giving advice only He can give!
Father help us accept things that we cannot change, always pursuing excellence instead of perfection, knowing when we eventually screw up you will be right there to put us back on the path of life and righteousness for the good of ourselves and those around us who we have influence over.
xo,
brit
